October 7, 2011

The bad experience

So in secondary school I was the head of of my CCA (which I refuse to disclose for the sake of my remaining dignity.) The experience was, to put it nicely, not very nice. When I reflect on those times every now and then, I cringe at how cowardly, indecisive and disorganized I was.

Really, it was so bad that I kind of have a phobia of taking on big responsibilities in school. Whether its small events management or the CCA EXCO or even small group projects, I always avoid volunteering myself as the head of the team because of said bad experience.

AND IT KILLS ME INSIDE.(partly because of my over-powering ego)

But also because I know I'm the sort of person who can be capable of helping and leading and I think I have that potential in me but I just don't have confidence in myself because nothing good has been achieved under my leadership. At the same time, I'm still the coward I was 4 years ago. Come on, I can't even speak loud enough in tutorials to voice out my own opinions during Econs. I'm too scared ask questions in class because I think I'm always wrong. WHAT IS THIS.

So I'm thinkinnn..should I give it a shot now?

3 comments:

AnggunKartikaDewi said...

WHY NOT?! WHAT HAVE YOU GOT TO LOSE?!

Anonymous said...

Hey! :D you must believe in yourself..be OPTIMISTIC and be BRAVE! Well..i iused to be in ur position back then..but heyy! juz dun gif a damn about it...juz express your thoughts n opinions..if it's wrong..learnt from it ..well..no one is perfect right? ;) i know u can do it ! :D GO !! GO!!!

chilandian said...

ANGGUN => What have I got to lose? Lol, the remaining self-respect that I have.

Anon => Hi there! Thanks for the encouragement. I have yet to make up my mind but when I do, I'll keep all this in check.

BTW, Do I know you? :)